Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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