I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
