My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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