Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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