There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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