I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
