You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Im part way to drunk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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