Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
