turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
