making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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