Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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