Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
