Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
