coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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