You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
