put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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