If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
