Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
