First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize