I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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