I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
