I'm drive I can fine osifer
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
