I need help removing her.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
