this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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