guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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