so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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