i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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