my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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