I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
