I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
