i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
