i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
