Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
