i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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