Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
