"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
