what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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