Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
