My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
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I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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