His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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