My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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