If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
