So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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