If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
