Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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