I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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