Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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