are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
