I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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