Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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