Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
