I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
