my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
