he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
