So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
