Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
