I swear she didn't look like that last week.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
