we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
