I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
