I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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