I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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