i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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