come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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