don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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